Day 16: Family potluck

Okay not blood family, but my CrossFit family is more family than anything. We had a meeting/potluck to talk about our struggles and such with eating healthy. It’s awesome to hear others peoples stories and it’s always a good time eating and hanging out with my favorite people.

I made stuffed zucchini boats which turned out amazing for my first attempt!

Tomorrow is my interview and dinner with the boy, I’m just a tad excited 😁😁

Day 15: The start of something new?

Today I got a phone call about a job as a residential counselor for juveniles. The job is in Santa Rosa and it’s not the typical 9-5. It seems beyond perfect for me and I can’t wait until Thursday to go interview and tour the place.

That night I will be hanging out with the boy and having dinner and what ever other shenanigans we get in to. I decided today that I want to kiss him so bad, so I really hope that happens.

2nd softball game tonight and I was nervous but not as much as the first game. My parents came which put me in a crappy mood. They make me feel like I’m 12.

Day 14: adrenaline cravings

Today was probably the most uneventful boring day I’ve had in awhile. Worked out, tanned, napped and sat on the couch doing random stuff on the computer.
Applied for some jobs, found a recipe for the potluck and watched my sky diving video. And now I have a craving to go jump out of a plane again or do something even crazier.
This non adrenaline life is killing me.

Day 13: nothing spectacular

3rd day in a row of work..thank god that weekend is over. I hate my job but weirdly I am starting to get more comfortable using the phones and doing things I wasn’t okay with before, so I guess that’s a fear I’m slowly overcoming!

Watched the CrossFit games today..2018 is my year. Bonnie will be right by my side.

Day 12: opposites attract

Ugh. I don’t know how much longer I will last at SA. It is miserable there. The only good thing are my co workers and I’ve gotten really close to them. I am going to be really sad when Casey leaves in a few weeks. Yes we have completely different beliefs, but he is one of my favorite people. He’s always fun to be around, has a very genuine and caring heart, and is one of the best guys I’ve ever met. I’m lucky that he’s had a such a positive role in my life. He better let me crash on his couch in Monterey.

Another day of looking page by page for my future job, and still nothing.

Day 11: misery is a choice

Today was a basic day. Haven’t had one of them in awhile. First day of work in a week..and I get to work all weekend. I’ve got to get another job.

Talked with my mom today about jobs and she said I should work with my friend. I responded by saying I didn’t want to work 17 hours a day 5 days a week and be miserable and her response..that’s life. HA nope it’s not. People choose it to be their life, no one forces them to be miserable. and that is why I’m following my heart.

Day 10: The lightbulb, 90s, and friendship

TODAY MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE DAY I FIGURED OUT WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. I have been waiting for what I felt was this “lightbulb” idea that was so close to going off, and today it possibly happened.
I was icing my shin splints and watching TV and looking for jobs when I started to come across non profit jobs and counseling type gigs. And then it hit me, non profit counselor for mentally Ill people!! It seems perfect for me! I don’t want to jinx it or get too excited but I finally think I have possibly found my calling in life. I applied for many places today so now I wait and see what happens.
I got to see Tanya today. I haven’t seen her since my sister threw me a breakup party back in October. The thing I love most about our friendship is that it’s been 10 months since we’ve seen each other, yet the second I walked into her house, it was like no time has passed, and that’s an amazing feeling. I’m 100% myself around her and always feel like were grown ups but back in jr high together again. We went to a coffee shop where her guy works, watched open mic night and then laid on her bed singing along to pandoras 90s station whole talking about the guys in our lives. I love her so much and she is the only one that has gone through what I have and it’s so nice to see us both happier than ever.
Today was just another Thursday, but it was life changing.

Day 9: heart to heart

I got to spend the day with my amazing nephews and sister. It doesn’t get much better than that. As soon as I walked in the door Joey yelled that he missed me. The best words to hear from a 4 year old. Owen was so excited to see me he threw his food and gave me a hug. My nephews rule.

Every time I hang out with Kelly we end up having super deep emotional life conversations about family and drama and everything and anything in between. We always end up crying but it’s a safe environment and I feel totally comfortable opening up to her.

She’s one of the only people that see how insane my whole family is, including my parents. And she’s made me realize that I’m lucky and need to embrace all the CrossFit people who are like mothers to me. I no longer feel guilty about going to them, because it’s ok. I have this bitterness, hurt, and anger towards my parents..more so my mom, and I feel like she deserves it and it’s okay for me to be that way but at the same time I know it’s not healthy. But she pointed out many good points and that how I feel is okay.

I’ve got to get my life on track and get out of this negative, dark, depressing black hole.

Day 8: new fears and feats

So today the guy came over. Burritos, froyo, nutrishop/vitamin shoppe adventures. Sleepy hollow, watched a few late night shows, baseball, and then he came with my parents to watch my first softball game.

The day was really fun. No cuddling or kissing. After my game we came home and watched more of the As game and then he left. We hugged goodbye and I couldn’t tell if he was going to kiss me or not. And honestly I’m still scared about it..I don’t know if I want him to. I don’t know if I’m attracted to him. It sounds weird but I’m just like uhhhh.

First softball game tonight! We won!!! I didn’t make us lose which I’m happy about. My position is catcher which I’m good with. I got a few hits!! And even a run! Definitely was super nerve wracking and having Jeff and my parents there made it worse. But that’s just another fear I conquered today! It’s really fun and I can’t wait until I actually get the hang of it and can be good at it!