Day 36: detective

So Bonnie and myself went to lunch with Jenna for her birthday and because we just want to get to know her outside the gym. She is an amazing lady and I look up to her so much. It was nice to just talk and open up with them!

Played detective today involving the guy and I’ve noticed there’s an up/down pattern with his happiness and there’s also a lot of girls in his past. I don’t know how I feel about that..and I don’t want to just be another one in the line. He asked to make plans to re do the day he bailed on me so next Wednesday I’m going over to Santa Rosa ..if were still talking by then.

I’ve eaten my weight in chocolate today. I swear there needs to be 4 days a month a girl can eat whatever the hell she wants and it not cause weight gain.

Played softball again tonight and I was switching between right fielder and catcher..that threw me for a curve ball but I managed to do okay! I still don’t love softball but it’s fun to be with Kathryn and josh.

Day 35: one of the guys

So today Brandon and matt came over and they drank beers while I made them food and then we hung outside watching videos of weightlifters. I love being one of the guys and having them in my life. They’re brothers to me and I can see they truly care. Plus half the time I have to be their mother which is always fun.

Work actually went really amazing again! Working the front isn’t as bad as I always think and I even enjoy it! The guys been texting me all day again and right now were swapping stories about Disneyland memories with exs.

Day 34: you wish

Another day of work. Today was actually a good day! Been texting the guy all night. He confuses me SO much by saying things that allude to the fact that other guys will be dating me. I made it clear I liked it and for freaken sake we almost had sex, obviously I like him. I’ve told him if he doesn’t like me then just say so so I don’t know what his deal is.

But I’m finding myself crushing on someone else who I know better than to let myself get feelings for. There’s just something about him I can’t shake. I keep finding myself thinking about laying in bed cuddling with him.

Uh oh.

Day 33: kayaking at last!
Today Kathryn asked me to be her maid of honor and then we kayaked up and down the Russian River! It’s always an amazing feeling doing something you’ve always wanted to do for the first time. Luckily I’ve got a giant like green kayak sitting in my backyard that I can use anytime. 

I finally feel like I’m living a somewhat adventurous life, and I love it! 

The guy has been texting me today..I’m starting to care again which I don’t know if I’m okay with. I sent him a super embarrassing video and he just responded.
😊

Day 33: kayaking at last!
Today Kathryn asked me to be her maid of honor and then we kayaked up and down the Russian River! It’s always an amazing feeling doing something you’ve always wanted to do for the first time. Luckily I’ve got a giant like green kayak sitting in my backyard that I can use anytime.

I finally feel like I’m living a somewhat adventurous life, and I love it!

The guy has been texting me today..I’m starting to care again which I don’t know if I’m okay with. I sent him a super embarrassing video and he just responded.
😊

Day 32: #sixthsense

APPARENTLY guys have this sixth sense where they know you’re moving on and they’re like oh I’m gonna text her and reel her back in! Of course when I said I was done with the guy and HE TEXTS me this morning and the convos been going all day.

It’s been a good one and I was encouraging him and giving him advice. ALSO! I have decided to go back to school and get my masters in counseling!!! I am SO excited.

I’m not talented and have no clue what I’m good at, but I think I could be a really good counselor/therapist! I am really stoked I figured this out, but I wish it was sooner. Although I know everything happens for a reason and maybe that’s why he was brought into my life!

Now I just need to pick a college.

Day 31: ew.

Well today didn’t turn out like it was supposed to. The guy “happened” to get food poisoning and bailed. That was my last attempt at him.

Took myself on a date to the movies and laughed which was nice. Went over to my brothers house and spent time with my nephews and family. I am so grateful I have them in my life. I cannot imagine life without my nephews.

I’ve been wanting to go ham on all junk food today but instead I had walnuts and chocolate chips so that’s a small victory. This guy friend I have has been texting me more and more asking me to come over. I am super attracted to him physically and I’m going to his house tomorrow night but nothing’s gonna happen..he is hot but I need someone to come cuddle with me, not want sex.

Day 30: Beach therapy

Once again today was spent at the beach with the bestie. I am addicted to the high of happiness I get when I’m there.

Talked to the guy and he responded, it was a good response I think. Tomorrow we are going to the beach to have a life talk. I’m really excited i think it’s going to be a really good day!

Day 29: epiphanies

People are constantly changing. We aren’t the same people we were 24 hours ago and therefore it’s impossible for everyone to stay in your life, for they are changing too. People are here for lessons and for the times God knows we need them, and then they must leave in order to help out the next person.

When there’s a guy in my life, it starts to change what I base my happiness off of. I get distracted from life and from the people that matter. Being single allows me to help others and be happy independent of another person. Maybe once I truly figure out how to allow a person to add to my happiness but not encompass all of it, I will be able to be with someone.

We might never know the purpose of being placed here, but we must never stop trying to figure it out. The journey is what life is about, not the end result. We need to stop rushing to reach the supposed finish line, because once we reach it, what then will we spend our time doing.

When we leave this earth, what kind of mark do we want to leave? Figure that out and spend your life striving to achieve it and maybe the answers will come along with it.

Also..Sam helped me get the balls to text the guy and ask him what’s up. But still no response.

Day 28: water lyfe

I’m addicted to being around water. I enjoy the beauty of it so much. At CrossFit this morning the ladies told me I should call the guy and talk. So I sent him a text asking and he said he would be free and then texted me all day..I guess I should have been more clear.

Lauren and I had a marina date and it was gorgeous. Being outside and with true friends makes me really happy.

I am so frustrated and stuck feeling in life. I need to get out and do something before I go crazy. And I wish this guy would get with the program.

Day 27: Reserve my right

Went to bed after 5am and woke up after 12. That gave me enough time to eat and get ready for work. Work dragged and was okay..I liked a few of the people I worked with.

Still nothing from the guy. I don’t know if he thinks I don’t want to talk to him or he just doesn’t want to talk to me. Either way it blows. We’ve been so open and honest from the start that it’s very odd to me that were not talking anymore. I really hope that changes.

These lyrics come to mind:

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.
I want to be a better person. I wanna know the master plan.
Cast your stones, cast your judgement, you don’t make me who I am.