Day 9: heart to heart

I got to spend the day with my amazing nephews and sister. It doesn’t get much better than that. As soon as I walked in the door Joey yelled that he missed me. The best words to hear from a 4 year old. Owen was so excited to see me he threw his food and gave me a hug. My nephews rule.

Every time I hang out with Kelly we end up having super deep emotional life conversations about family and drama and everything and anything in between. We always end up crying but it’s a safe environment and I feel totally comfortable opening up to her.

She’s one of the only people that see how insane my whole family is, including my parents. And she’s made me realize that I’m lucky and need to embrace all the CrossFit people who are like mothers to me. I no longer feel guilty about going to them, because it’s ok. I have this bitterness, hurt, and anger towards my parents..more so my mom, and I feel like she deserves it and it’s okay for me to be that way but at the same time I know it’s not healthy. But she pointed out many good points and that how I feel is okay.

I’ve got to get my life on track and get out of this negative, dark, depressing black hole.

Day 8: new fears and feats

So today the guy came over. Burritos, froyo, nutrishop/vitamin shoppe adventures. Sleepy hollow, watched a few late night shows, baseball, and then he came with my parents to watch my first softball game.

The day was really fun. No cuddling or kissing. After my game we came home and watched more of the As game and then he left. We hugged goodbye and I couldn’t tell if he was going to kiss me or not. And honestly I’m still scared about it..I don’t know if I want him to. I don’t know if I’m attracted to him. It sounds weird but I’m just like uhhhh.

First softball game tonight! We won!!! I didn’t make us lose which I’m happy about. My position is catcher which I’m good with. I got a few hits!! And even a run! Definitely was super nerve wracking and having Jeff and my parents there made it worse. But that’s just another fear I conquered today! It’s really fun and I can’t wait until I actually get the hang of it and can be good at it!

Day 7: expectations vs reality

Well, today did not happen like I hoped or planned. The boy ended up sleeping due to a long work night and being in pain. BUT tomorrow it looks like we are hanging out!

Took my car back to my other dad aka Mr Wheeler and he did my other brake pad AND cleaned my headlights so they look brand new. However the brake noise is back on both sides, so we were wrong about what the issue is.

My body hurts literally from head to toe. All these workouts are starting to catch up to me and the softball practice made my arm sore, which I wasn’t expecting.

I HAD FROYO today after being 2 weeks sober from it. I wanted it, I fit it into my calories and I’m okay with my decision to eat it. Put me into a food coma for a few hours, so now I’m going to pay for it tonight when I’m wide awake. #worthit

Day 6: softball to the jaw

So today was my first and only practice session before Tuesdays softball game. I admit I have no clue what I’m doing. It’s more than catch and hit the ball and I didn’t realize that.

Luckily dragon said I did better than expected! And then I took a softball to my jaw. I needed it to happen to teach me to catch it properly and to get me over my fear of “what if i get hit”

Mr wheeler somewhat fixed my car! And taught me how to take the nugluts off my tires if I ever need to change a tire! So that was new information.

Tomorrow’s THE day! I am getting a visit from the guy that kind of stole my heart out of no where. I nervous as it’s going to be awkward but awkward times make for awesome stories.

Day 5: Catalina wine mixer and dancing

Well not really. But today I went to my first ever wine tasting, and I’ve never felt as grown up as I did while sipping fancy wines on the patio of a winery with two of my favorite people.

I am now about to venture to Sacramento with some of my crossfit family for a night of dancing. Should be interesting considering I don’t know how to dance and I will be sober.